Product Description

Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness but of strength. It's also healthy, brave, contagious and it sets you free. Everyone needs to forgive, whether it's your parents, your neighbors, your dog, the man who cut you off in the traffic this morning or the criminal who murdered your loved one. In this clear, concise and inspiring book, bestselling psychiatrist Dr. Edward Hallowell shows you how. In his typical lively and engaging stle, bestselling author Dr. Edward Hallowell leads you through a series of definitions and situations to an understanding of the true nature of forgiveness. He shows how and why forgiveness is the basis of a happy and healthy life, and then gives you a practical four-step program to create more of it in your own life. Maybe you're letting the small insults of daily life pile up and cause you stress. Dr. Hallowell will show you how his own frustration over a Porsche stealing his parking spot on a busy street led him to do something reckless. Maybe you're hurt by the thoughtless actions of those you love. Dr. Hallowell shows how a lack of forgiveness has stunted a marriage and how it has torn a family apart--even after all the family members have long forgotten what they disagreed about. Maybe you're feeling let down by your own thoughts or deeds. Dr. Hallowell shows how finally forgiving himself transformed an accidental killer into a productive member of society. Or maybe something truly terrible has happened that, over the years, has eaten a hole in your soul. Maybe you're one of the people who think they can never forgive. . . "This might be the most important book you will read this year. The absence of forgiveness in our lives cripples us and it is crippling our society. Ned Hallowell does not gloss over how hard it is to forgive. Yet through his deep insight, practical steps and rich stories, he invites the reader into the sweetness of forgiveness. This is a graced achievement!" - The Rt. Rev. M. Thomas Shaw, SSJE, Episcopal Bishop of Massachusetts "Why forgive? And how do we go about it? Dr. Hallowell addresses this age-old question with tremendous wisdom and heart. He is a compelling and generous storyteller, and he provides the reader with not only tools, but also a larger sense of hope and possibility." - Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., Author, The Dance of Anger "Ned Hallowell is a healing writer. He possesses the most inspiring and optimistic voice emerging from the medical community today Dr. Hallowell brings his scientific knowledge and his generous heart to bear on the problems that afflict our lives and those of our children, and we are better for his unique vision." - Michael Thompson, Ph.D., Author, Raising Cain and Best Friends, Worst Enemies

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #417213 in Books
• Published on: 2004-02-02
• Original language: English
• Binding: Hardcover
• 272 pages

From Publishers Weekly
Before explaining how to forgive, psychologist Hallowell (Connect: 12 Vital Ties that Open Your Heart, Lengthen Your Life and Deepen Your Soul) argues that the act of forgiving benefits the person who has been wronged even more than the offender, somewhat in contrast with Janis Abrahms Spring's recent How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To. In addition to physical advantages, like lower blood pressure or a stronger immune system, letting go of anger and the desire for revenge results in emotional growth and a higher degree of happiness. In this very compassionate self-help book, laced with examples from the author's personal and professional life, Hallowell presents a detailed, four-step process for achieving true forgiveness: feel the pain of being wronged; relive and reflect on this pain; work through the anger and resentment; and, finally, renounce the anger and move forward. To facilitate these stages, the author recommends first forgiving yourself for wrongful acts you have committed against others. In insightful chapters that do not minimize the difficulties inherent in the process, Hallowell discusses the nuts and bolts of many kinds of forgiveness, including "everyday forgiveness" (e.g., someone who cuts in front of you on line), "forgiving your ex" and "forgiving a betrayer." His arguments about the value of forgiveness in individual situations are fairly convincing and are made more compelling by the well-rendered anecdotes that accompany them. Hallowell also theorizes, optimistically, that an embrace of forgiveness on a global level is the road to international progress and world peace.
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About the Author
Edward (Ned) Hallowell, PH.D. is a practicing psychiatrist and the New York Times bestselling author of  Driven to Distraction and other acclaimed books. He is on the faculty of Harvard Medical School, and he is the director of The Hallowell-Ratey Center for Cognitive and Emotional Health. He lives with his wife Sue, a social worker, and their three children in Arlington, Massachusetts.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Part One What Is Forgiveness? 1 Forgiveness Is a Gift You Give to Yourself When a well-known sportswriter in Boston died not too long ago, something terrible happened, a terrible something that happens so often that nobody usually comments on how terrible it is. The terrible thing was that a man who had once been a close friend of the sportswriter stayed away from the funeral. The erstwhile friend was still bitter over a disagreement the two of them had had a couple of years before the sportswriter's death. An argument blew up and burned them both. Resentment took root, and like the weed that it is, it grew fast. Soon, what had been a trusting, fun-filled friendship was overrun by an impenetrable thicket of anger and self-justification. Two men who'd been good friends for years became enemies. As so often happens, one of them died before they could find a way to forgive each other and resume the friendship they both had so much enjoyed. It's hard to find the right word for that situation: sad, silly, tragic, foolish, understandable, spiteful, petty, human, absurd, a waste. In any case, it happens all the time. An action leads to anger, which leads to the end of trust and warmth. Close friends turn into cursed fools. Everybody loses. It is so stupid, so wasteful, so sad, so wrong. What would it have taken for the sportswriter and his friend to make up? That question gnawed at me enough to start me researching and writing this book. Soon I was going to bed and waking up wondering, What does it take for any of us to make up with those we can't forgive? What is it about forgiveness that is so difficult? Even when we know it is in our best interests to do it, we agonize over it. What does it take to forgive? The diplomatic skills of a secretary of state? A miracle from above? Or is forgiveness simply never to be when the deeds are really bad? Is forgiveness of grievous wrongs a naive idea that only superficial sentimentalists unschooled in the ways of the world still believe in? On the other hand, might forgiveness be worth a try? If so, why? How can a normal person do it? Recent research has given us important information about forgiveness. We now have reliable, empirical data, not just our subjective musings. Based on that data, I now know that what happened to the sportswriter and his friend has a practical remedy, as does what happens to the millions upon millions of the rest of us who become stuck in grudges, anger and resentment. Forgiveness is a remedy we rarely use. As a result, we suffer when we don't need to. That sportswriter and his friend could have made up. Like so many of us, they didn't. Instead they dug in, each convinced of the rightness of his position. We've all seen this happen. A spat becomes a grudge becomes a feud becomes a schism. Along with precious heirlooms, parents bequeath to their children resentments they inherited from their parents. Partnerships dissolve over a silly squabble, and great businesses crumble

Customer Reviews

This is an Amazing Book
This is an Amazing Book. Dr. Hallowell discusses everyday life situations in great detail and makes the readers feel as though they are actually there. He does not try to sugar coat things are try to suggest that forgving others or ourselves is something easy to do.

He does however give the readers both scientific and spritual reasons about why forgiveness is beneficial. He also gives practical suggestions on how to begin to forgive. This is a great book for everybody even those people can easily forive.

Once again Dr. Hallowell has given us a most special gift!!!
I am pleased to share with you how delighted I am with Dr. Hallowell's new book! Not only is it for those who need to forgive but also for those who are forgiven! So exquisitely written with personal anectodes that all of us can easily identifty with and relate to. This is an excellent book that all of should have as part of our home and professional libraries!

Demystifying Forgiveness
Ned Hallowell's gift is his ability to find, in the universal truths of human nature and behavior, those constructs that lie at the core of mental, emotional, and relational fulfillment. He always seems to know what's eating away at us, what's standing in the way of our hope and happiness. Those who have been fans of Dr. Hallowell's for years will recognize this in his books, Connect, Worry, and Human Moments. With Dare to Forgive, Ned Hallowell explores the self-poisoning nature of the resentment and hatred so many of us experience on a daily basis. With his trademark warmth, humility, and candor, he posits that forgiveness isn't reserved for the saintly few, but is a powerful, practical tool for letting go of the caustic anger and bitterness that damages one's health and relationships. He addresses the objections and cynicisms many will throw at the mere idea of forgiveness, showing that forgiveness is really something we do for ourselves. As always, Dr. Hallowell stays clear of jargon and pontificating, for this is a practical book giving practical advice for learning how and why to forgive others - and oneself. As one who suffered a personal loss in 9/11, I can't help but wonder if, in today's increasingly polarized and terrorized world, forgiveness may be an overlooked weapon of mass reconstruction.