Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #265909 in Books
• Published on: 1999-06-18
• Original language: English
• Binding: Hardcover
• 304 pages

From Library Journal
Grosskopf, a Seattle psychiatrist, has written an extremely insightful book that will be of value to everyone who reads it. He explains that in order to understand our own problems and shortcomings, we must examine the lives of our parents as children. When we know their childhoods, we can begin to understand their behavior as spouses and parents, which allows us to look at our own lives and relationships and begin to change our own behavior. Grosskopf writes simply and beautifully. He skillfully uses the experiences of his patients to illustrate behaviors passed on through the generations as well as ways people have broken these patterns and moved on to healthier relationships. The only thing wrong with this book is its title, which may turn off the very people for whom it was written. Highly recommended for all libraries.AElizabeth Caulfield Felt, Washington State Univ. Lib., Pullman
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist
Forgiving one's parents, rather than blaming them for our own psychological problems--and everything else--is not a new concept. What is new here is the laudable attempt by Grosskopf to require us to take a closer look at our parents and try to see through their eyes: that a parent's hand-me-down legacy of anger, alcoholism, abuse, or other psychological scarring may be the product of their own painful pasts. This view is especially relevant when you consider that many parents of today's baby boomers did, after all, go through war and, for some, a deep economic depression. Aside from these obvious historical legacies, Grosskopf points out that every parent has her or his own personal history, and it's worthwhile for the children to investigate it. Given this, it's very plausible that taking their parents' pasts for granted can blind scarred individuals from healing in the present. Certain to improve self-help collections. Marlene Chamberlain

Review
Rabbi Michael Lerner Editor, "TIKKUN Magazine," and author of "Renewal: A Path to Healing and Transformation" At last, a psychologically sophisticated and emotionally viable way to observe the Fifth Commandment: Honor Your Father and Your Mother. Barry Grosskopf points the way to true reconciliation with our parents -- a precondition for a spiritually and psychologically healthy life.

Customer Reviews

A must-read!
Dr. Grosskopf's book is spell-binding! Beautifully written, poignant, insightful! It delves into family secrets that transmit from generation to generation, damaging lives with their unspoken power. For anyone who's ever suspected that there is an untold story in the family, one that needs to see the light of day if lives are to change for the better, this is a must-read! Secrets, unseen and unspoken, are transmitted as surely as genes. This book explains and reveals what we need to know, to be better relatives and friends and lovers.

A Must Read For Members of The Sandwich Generation
Increasingly, those of middle-age (and beyond) are becoming caregivers for aging but long-lived parents. All the more reason to learn the lessons of generational forgiveness and healing so wisely taught in this book. As I continue to research my own family's history, and to write what I know of the family story, this book is helping me to take a more compassionate stance toward my own parents. Dr. Grosskopf skillfully blends anecdotal accounts, biblical narratives, fairy tales and religious proverbs to help the reader ask their own parents, in a way which heals, the question from God to humanity in the biblical book of Genesis: "Where are you?" Of particular use to me is the way the author reinterprets the fifth commandment's "honor thy father and thy mother." While reading through chapter two I was struck by the liberating potential for forgiveness in hearing the command to "honor" parents not as an authoritarian dictate but instead as an invitation to "imagine" parents as the powerful but complex individuals they really are. In chapter four, Dr. Grosskopf underscores the need we all have for "witnesses" to our emotional pain and how restorative it can be for parents when their children meet such a need. For me, the main insight here is that children who would honor their parents (and heal themselves) can best do so in learning how to ask them (or others) "where are you" without implying judgment or rejection. In this way the answers may repair and transform the fabric of life shared by parents and children and all of society.

Forget The Title - Read The Book
Babble free, sensible, profound. A soul opening work