Product Description

"You bitch, you killed me. You suck!"

Being dead sucks. Make that being undead sucks.

Literally. Just ask Thomas C. Flood. Waking up after a fantastic night unlike anything he's ever experienced, he discovers that his girlfriend, Jody—the woman of his dreams—is a vampire. And surprise! Now he's one, too.

For some couples, the whole biting-and-blood thing would have been a deal breaker. But Tommy and Jody are in love, and they vow to work through their issues. Like how much Jody should teach Tommy about his new superpowers (and how much he needs to learn on his own). Plus there's Tommy's cute new minion, sixteen-year-old goth girl Abby Normal. (Well, someone has to run errands during daylight hours!)

Making the relationship work, however, is the least of Jody and Tommy's problems. Word has it that the vampire who nibbled on Jody wasn't supposed to be recruiting any new members into the club. Even worse, Tommy's erstwhile turkey-bowling pals are out to get him, at the urging of a blue-dyed Las Vegas call girl named (duh) Blue.

And that really sucks.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #237215 in Books
• Published on: 2007-04-12
• Format: Large Print
• Original language: English
• Binding: Paperback
• 384 pages

From Publishers Weekly
Starred Review. Moore's latest (after 2006's A Dirty Job) is a cheerfully perverse, gut-busting tale of young vampires in love. Nineteen-year-old Tommy is a bewildered hipster recently relocated to San Francisco from Incontinence, Ind. His sarcastic redhead (and bloodsucking) girlfriend, Jody, brings him into the fold of the undead ("I wanted us to be together," she says). Tommy, understandably, has mixed feelings; vampirism has its perks (you can turn to mist, live forever and the sex is awesome), but sunlight is death and blood hunger makes you do some pretty foul things. Also, the duo is hunted by Elijah, the ancient vampire who "turned" Jody and wants her back, and a band of Safeway stock boys/amateur vampire hunters known as the Animals (with whom pre–dark side Tommy once rolled). With the assistance of their devoted minion, goth girl Abby Normal, whose hilarious diary entries form part of the narrative, Tommy and Jody evade their pursuers, feeding at night and conking out at dawn, all the while learning how vampirism complicates love. Moore writes with the jittery energy of a brilliant, charming class clown, mixing sex and gore and a potty mouth with a goofy-sweet sensibility to deliver laughs on nearly every page. (Jan.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From AudioFile
Susan Bennetts sassy reading is a perfect fit for Moores satirical story and sarcastic dialogue. Nineteen-year-old Tommy has turned into a vampire, and his sexy girlfriend tries to put up with his incompetence and fawning while shes on to more important issues--like fleeing from Elijah, an elder vampire, and dealing with a whole cast of wacky San Francisco personalities. In a fun way, the book addresses the realities of its absurd construct. Take, for example, the slapstick scene in which Tommy goes on his first blood hunt and finds a promising fat cat but has hilarious difficulty keeping the unkempt animals fur out of his mouth. Bennett reads like a stand-up comic, issuing both straight lines and zingers with perfect timing. S.W. © AudioFile 2008, Portland, Maine-- Copyright © AudioFile, Portland, Maine

From Booklist
Moore revives the stars of his last "love story," Bloodsucking Fiends (1995)--literally. Redheaded stunner--and vampire--Jody had been sealed in a bronze body cast by her lover C. Thomas Flood. She escaped, though, because Tommy drilled ear holes so she could hear his heartsick regrets. She used her vampire powers to go all misty, drift out of the cast, rematerialize, and "turn" Tommy, who has just waked as a vampire as our story opens. "You bitch, you killed me!" he remonstrates, "You suck!" Of course, and, now, so must he, but not before some "hot monkey love," which greatly reconciles the 19-year-old to his fate. The lovers must go on the lam, however, since they promised the two San Francisco cops hip to them to get out of town immediately. Tommy finds a minion in morbid but perky teenager Abby Normal, who fills the bill handily and writes her doings up in valley-girl-teenybopper-hip-hop slang in her journal, which Moore excerpts throughout. Good thing Abby's so effective, too, since per usual in Moore's dark-fantasy lampoons, a small army is soon in pursuit of Jody and Tommy. Happy endings for pretty much everybody conclude Moore's hilarious mockery of the pursuit of the appetites. Ray Olson
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Customer Reviews

Dissapointing
Have you ever been reading a book and completely loved it, only to have the author make a boneheaded twist in the plot and you went from loving the book to hating it? Unfortunately, that is what happened with this book. This book started off so well - the first words in the book are: "You b.tch, you killed me! You Suck!" This book is a sequel to Bloodsucking Fiends. Our hero is Tommy Flood, known by his pen name C. Thomas Flood.

In the previous book, he was in love with a vampire, a tall sultry red- head who woke up one day a vampire, and Tommy was in love with her and her protector. This book begins with Tommy waking up and he is now a vampire also. At first he thinks it is cool. But his conscience gets the best of him. He likes the power, and the greater abilities, but he does not like the taking of life, or even just taking blood.

This book also overlaps with Moore's A Dirty Job. The focus of this story is the changing life of Thomas Flood and his girlfriend Jody, and there is a second parallel story of Abby Normal, vampire wannabe, who is a servant of the vampire flood. She fetches coffee, finds new lairs and such.

It's hard to write a hate-it review, when what you hate is the ending of the book, without spoiling it for those who are reading it or will read it. But I can state with all sincerity, that of all of Moore's books, this is not more fun, it is not more entertaining and it is not more Moore. It was in fact far, far less.

Like most of Moore's books, this one is at times incredibly witty and always funny. But without spoiling the ending, the last chapter makes me hate this book. There are so many other ways he could have ended the book, yet he chose a cheap and easy way out. The end of this book is so poor that you regret having spent the time and effort reading it. What should have been a light fun romp through the nightlife of San Francisco, becomes a flop because of the ending.

(First Published in Imprint 2007-03-02 as 'Hate It' from the 'Love it/Hate it' book review column.)

I feel like I've been suckered
Nowhere on the cover, the back cover or inside is it written that this book is a sequel to Bloosucking Fiends and I only learned about that through chance on a bulletin board. This was my first book by this writer. It starts very strongly and very funnily but it loses steam as it goes along, not to mention that the ending sucks. Moore has amazing style and it was a joy to read his dialog and descriptions. Heck, I was reading excerpts of the book to my best friend on the phone. What I liked the most was the diary entries by Abby Normal, 16 year old, former perky Hello Kitty cutesy lover turned gothic vampire wannabe. They just felt so right and if you have any familiarity with the goth lifestyle, you're going to find this bloody hilarious unless you have no sense of humor. I'm tempted to write that You Suck is the anti-Twilight and should be required reading for fans of the popular series (or those who don't like it) but it's too sexually explicit for teen girls, so only older mature teens and adults should read it. To be fair, most of it is implied or skipped and nothing is described in detail or designed to arouse. Overall, "You Suck" felt like a very modern but uneven Monty Python dark comedy take on the romantic vampire story but much less absurd and more sweet with vibrant likeable characters (well most of them ;-).


I would have rated it 3 and 1/2 stars if Amazon allowed half stars. Perhaps I would have rated this higher if I knew "You Suck" was book 2 of a trilogy (at this time, it is not announced) or read it second but I doubt it.

very funny
i picked this book to read just a whim wanting something funny and not to dark something not so serious and christopher moore did not disappoint it is a laugh out loud kind of story and you will find yourself doing it many times. the kind of story you are sad to see end.