Product Description

For the 70 percent of couples who have been affected by extramarital affairs, this is the only book to offer proven strategies for surviving the crisis and rebuilding the relationship –– written by a nationally known therapist considered an expert on infidelity.

When I was 15, I was raped. That was nothing compared to your affair. The rapist was a stranger; you, I thought, were my best friend.

There is nothing quite like the pain and shock caused when a partner has been unfaithful. The hurt partner often experiences a profound loss of self–respect and falls into a depression that can last for years. For the relationship, infidelity is often a death blow.

After the Affair is the first book to help readers survive this crisis. Written by a clinical psychologist who has been treating distressed couples for 22 years, it guides both hurt and unfaithful partners through the three stages of healing: Normalizing feelings, deciding whether to recommit and revitalizing the relationship. It provides proven, practical advice to help the couple change their behavior toward each other, cultivate trust and forgiveness and build a healthier, more conscious intimate partnership.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #4177 in Books
• Published on: 1997-02-20
• Original language: English
• Binding: Paperback
• 304 pages

From Publishers Weekly
For married or cohabiting couples who want to rebuild their relationship after one partner had had an affair, this tough-minded, insightful manual will be eminently practical. Clinical psychologist Spring, writing with her husband, draws on 20 years of experience treating distressed couples as she explains how both the unfaithful partner and the betrayed one can confront their doubts and fears about recommitting, constructively communicate pain and anger, restore trust, renew sexual intimacy and forgive. In jargon-free prose, she urges both partners to probe the deeper meaning of the affair, to explore why it happened and to accept responsibility for it. Recognizing unstated assumptions held by oneself or one's mate is an integral part of this process, and the authors include exercises, concise case studies and checklists of suggestions to guide readers through the difficult task of healing. This wise book fills a gap on the self-help shelf. First serial to Cosmopolitan; available on audiocassette.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Ingram
A leading therapist and expert on infidelity offers emotional support and proven strategies to help couples overcome one of the most devastating events in any committed relationship. After the Affair is the first book to help readers survive this crisis, and guides both the hurt and unfaithful partners through the stages of grief.

About the Author

Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., is a nationally acclaimed expert on issues of trust, intimacy, and forgiveness. After the Affair has sold more than 325,000 copies. She is also author of How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, The Freedom Not To. Her private practice in Westport, Connecticut, deals largely with couples who are confronting infidelity issues—making her one of the only therapists in the country with this specialty.

Customer Reviews

Classroom Tactics
The book is ok. It gives the psychological point of view that everything you do as an adult is a reflection of your childhood. The author offers suggestions on how to reflect back into your past to determine what made you/your mate have an affair. She also states that both partner's took a part in causing the affair to happen. That is a great philosophy, however, it is difficult to prove or disect. When I asked my partner why he had an affair, he simply stated "our relationship was perfect, he was just being greedy and stupid"!!! It doesn't take [$$$} to figure out why some people cheat. Some people or simply greedy, stupid or a combination of both. I personally did not find this book very useful and I am returning it today. I think the author is using classroom tactics that don't apply to everyday human life or is too complex for the average person to understand. If you believe everything people do is because of their upbringing then buy the book. If you believe life is a little more complicated than that and you want to save your relationship I recommend counseling and prayer. This book alone is not enough.

After the Affair
This looked at the pros and cons for both partners after an affair. It is a balanced account of how to mend relationships or decide to let go. I found it was reasonable but a bit too repetitive as details were examined from both sides.

My review of After . . .
AFTER THE AFFAIR is a must read if you are struggling in the aftermath of an affair. It provides such a great insight on why things happen and really challenges to explore your heart and feelings. Another great thing about it is that it does not place outright blame on one party or another, looks at both spouses perspectives of the situation and gives the necessary tools to start rebuilding. Things that other people, family, therapists, etc. may have told you a hundred times but never really made sense become clear with reading this book. It has helped me very much so far and my friends are now reading it as well. Other books I recently read and enjoyed were: THE LOVELY BONES, LUCKY, and THE CHILDREN'S CORNER by Jackson McCrae.