Product Description

To watch a child grieve and not know what to do is a profoundly difficult experience for parents, teachers, and caregivers. Yet, there are guidelines for helping children develop a lifelong, healthy response to loss.

In When Children Grieve, the authors offer a cutting-edge volume to free children from the false idea of "not feeling bad" and to empower them with positive, effective methods of dealing with loss.

There are many life experiences that can produce feelings of grief in a child, from the death of a relative or a divorce in the family to more everyday experiences such as moving to a new neighborhood or losing a prized possession. No matter the reason or degree of severity, if a child you love is grieving, the guidelines examined in this thoughtful book can make a difference.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #43896 in Books
• Published on: 2002-05-23
• Original language: English
• Binding: Paperback
• 288 pages

From Amazon.com
It would be a pity if this interesting, humane, and practical book were read only by parents of recently bereaved children--for two reasons. First, the book is about grief in a broad sense. Its lessons apply not only to the child whose pet, aunt, or parent has died, but also to the child whose parents have divorced, who has suffered a debilitating injury, or who has experienced other forms of traumatic loss. Second, let's face it: every child will suffer a loss at some point, so it behooves parents to be prepared in advance. As the authors say, "our task as parents is to prepare our children to deal with the experiences they will have."

It's unfortunate that the book has what might be considered a common structural flaw in self-help books. All of Part I (about 50 pages) is devoted to examining various myths about grieving and mistakes in dealing with it--for example, that the griever should keep busy and try not to feel bad. This is "good advice about bad advice," but it leaves the reader wondering why the authors didn't choose to get on with the plain old "good advice" on page 1. By Part II, it's already clear which coping techniques the authors will recommend. It would have been better to start there. --Richard Farr

From Publishers Weekly
Coauthors of The Grief Recovery Handbook, John W. James and Russell Friedman join with psychotherapist Leslie Landon Matthews to present When Children Grieve: For Adults to Help Children Deal with Death, Divorce, Pet Loss, Moving, and Other Losses. This compassionate manual addresses the nature of grief, purges common myths the worst of which, the authors claim, is that time heals all wounds (only small, positive actions can heal a person, insist James, Friedman and Matthews) and encourages adults to adopt a more healthy approach to grief themselves, so that they, in turn, can help children.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

From the Back Cover
"There isn't anyone in life who hasn't experienced some kind of loss. It's comforting to know that we are not alone in our sadness and that practical, easy to read, thoughtful help is available by way of Russell Friedman, John W. James, and Leslie Landon Matthews' gentle insights on the pages of When Children Grieve. Thank you, Neighbors, for your obvious care."
Fred Rogers - Producer/Host Mister Rogers' Neighborhood
Producer/Host Mister Rogers' Neighborhood and Honorary Chairman of The Caring Place (a center for grieving children, adolescents, and their families).

"In my 25 years of training family therapists, I have never seen a more useful tool for helping children deal with loss. This book transcends traditional thinking about helping children grieve. In practical, everyday language, the authors present an action-oriented program that provides concrete suggestions of things to say and do with a child to help acknowledge the loss and to ‘complete' the process of grieving in the healthiest of ways. Although this book positions adults as the child's "emotional leader" in the grief process, all adults can benefit greatly by applying these principles to themselves as well."
Edwin S. Cox, Ph.D., President Emeritus, Phillips Graduate Institute

"Once in a generation, a book comes along that alters the way society views a topic. We teach our children to read, write and do math, so their lives will be successful. While gains are important, loss is unavoidable. Sadly, we do not always teach our children useful skills to deal with the feelings caused by losses, large and small - mainly because we do not know how. When Children Grieve is an essential primer for parents and others who interact with children on a regular basis."
Bernard McGrane, Ph.D., professor of sociology, Chapman University and UC Irvine

Customer Reviews

A Must Read for All Parents
This book should be required for all parents. If you want to understand the basics of human and/or child behavior, this book is a must read. The book succinctly and lovingly explains the concept of "loss" and the emotional and physical responses to it-what we would normally call grief.

The beauty of this book is that grief is placed in a larger context. In other words, according to the authors, grief is the response when experiencing a "massive change or end from everything familiar." Therefore, children, and adults, can grieve a variety of situations: loss of a pet, moving to another neighborhood, or changing schools.

Therein rests the beauty of this book. This book explains how to help children. More importantly, the adults who are required to provide the assistance will learn more about their children and themselves.

So highly recommended, there are not enough stars to express this book's importance.

Written With Gentle, Healing Hands
I am a conservative, grumpy, old, Lutheran pastor, vehemently opposed to all things "New Age." I despise the fads of pop-psychology. "Touchy-Feely" advice from so-called experts, who demand exorbitant fees, often makes me want to wretch. So, I approached this book filled with trepidation.

There was no need for my concerned.

Writing with extraordinary gentleness and common sense Mr. James, Mr. Friedman and Dr. Matthews have provided adults with an invaluable outline on how to shepherd the children in their lives through loss, grief and recovery. Every parent, grandparent, teacher, pastor, priest, rabbi, nurse or physician who expects the children in their lives to suffer the death of a pet, suffer the death of a relative, move or endure a divorce will benefit from reading this book.

Do yourself a favor. Read this book for the sake of the children whom you love. It is well worth the investment of your time.

Then, do yourself a second favor, and place a copy of this book in your church, synagogue or public library for the others who will grow by reading it.

Children's Grievances Matter
Everyone deals with grief at some point. "When Children Grieve" by John James and Russell Friedman is an amazingly helpful book. After the recent death of a dear friend, I needed help in understanding grief from a child's perspective. This easy to read book explains that it's healthy to grieve, and that adults need to allow children time to heal. "Children need to feel bad when their hearts are broken. Adults should never try to fix a child's loss."
Also, the book explains that grief doesn't just come from death, but instead can be motivated by divorce, pet loss, moving and even a parent's job loss. Grief stems from sudden change in ritualistic behavior. As adults, it is our role to facilitate the child's emotions by helping them discover "undelivered communications." This book teaches adults how to reach out to children and guide them through difficult times. It's a must read for all parents who want to encourage emotional growth and mental wellbeing in their children.